Thursday, November 1

Biel officially better than Alba

Remember when Jessica Alba said she was OK with a nude scene if it fit the story? Well she backpedaled recently in an interview saying, "I will never do a nude scene in a movie, not ever." Do you know what a kick to the nuts this is? Even Natalie Portman has gone nude by now. Twice! (Thrice if you count the rumored stripping footage cut from Closer.)

Is there any remaining reason to hire her? She can't act. If you picked up a banana and said "Riing riiing. It's for you!" she'd probably stare at you until her brain fell apart. We all know she's hot but that can't save her career. Hell, she stripped down to a bikini for 98% of Into The Blue and still no one bought tickets.

I'm using this opportunity to point out that if Jessica Biel has a nude scene in her next movie, the war of the Jessicas will officially be over. (It was over for me years ago when I realized I was watching Summer Catch just to see her pool scene. That and Matthew Lillard in panties. Is there any fashion that guy can't pull off? I say no.)

2 comments [add yours!]:

spanky said...

It is hard to argue with your airtight logic, sir. Well played.

BTW did you see that some supernerds did a frame-by-frame Talmudic analysis of the movie Closer, and found that Pr0tman had an inadvertent nip slip (in the stripping whorey strip scene with Clive Owen)? God bless the Internerd.

spanky said...

Oh and in re: Matthew Lillard, my mancrush for him goes back to Hackers, when he quoted Ginsburg as a character named Emmanuel Goldstein. He was also the only good thing about the utterly fucking atrocious Wing Commander movie, although arguably he was upstaged by the guy who played Maniac in the games themselves. Good times.

Incidentally, I was on the Angelina Jolie bandwagon from the very first pre-release trailer for Hackers. Which is to say that I PERSONALLY DISCOVERED HER AND DESERVE CREDIT FOR HER SUBSEQUENT WORLD-RENOWNED HOTNESS.