Friday, February 8

They Didn't Do It.




Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Cock! Balls!

We, as people, watch athletics (both Sports and non-sports) for one purpose: to be impressed. We want to see that which has never been done before. We yearn to witness a Perfect Game, a 9.74 100 meter dash, a 100 pt game. Sure chemistry is nice. And we claim to appreciate effort. But if this were the main reason we watch athletics, then your sixth grade girls' recess softball game would be played in a 5,000-capacity stadium. Screw chemistry! To Hell with effort. We want to see things that we cannot do; that we have never been able to do. It is the journey to the unprecedented that we salivate over. We recognize that most people, most teams, most eras are not good. Therefore, we fondly remember those players/teams/eras that achieve Greatness. These are the teams that remind us of the halcyon days.

Somewhere, though, fans have ceased to be impressed with greatness. They no longer appreciate the Journey. Nay, they have become obsessed with "championships," and have consequently devolved into "fans." For proof, look no further than the "fans" of the New England Patriots. Anyone who states, "If the Patriots do not win the Super Bowl, then this year will be a failure," is a moron. The rejoinder to such magniloquence is a resounding, "Fuck you, you fucking fucks!" Any ill-will I have toward Boston teams (for an example) has little to do with the teams themselves, but a great many things to do with their "fans." The same can be said with any team cursed with fans who have been sent to the Ninth Circle of Hell. Dante, in all his Divine Wisdom foretold their punishment. (Let it be known, however, that the Yankees are hated for reasons independent of their "fans," although they, too, chill with Judas.)

Back in December, I wrote:

However, there is an omnipresent Sentiment suggesting that this season ought to be considered a failure if they do not Win the Super Bowl. Ezra wonders how this can be true (or, in the parlance of our Times, WTF?!?). Such is the thinking of eight year olds. For if the Patriots fall at the feet of the Indianapolis Colts, or the Dallas Cowboys (both of which are quality Teams), there is no loss of Honor. Anything can happen in a single game (or a short series), and such a fluke result does not tarnish the Accomplishment of going Sixteen and Oh. To think otherwise is Clownshoes, and borderline Communist.

Who knew of my talent for prognostication? I only misidentified the team would fell the mighty Patriots. To be fair, the Giants flat out Beat the Patriots. I won't recount the ways that the Giants defeated New England, as it has been dissected to death. I do, however, take comfort in the fact that the Giants, Strahan & Co. in particular, dominated. If the Pats were to lose, we can all take comfort in that they were truly beaten, and not a victim of dumb luck.

Have I heard this before? Oh yes, how could I forget?

If the Best Team is to lose, then the Underdog ought to Beat the Best. As when Villanova Wildcats came out of nowhere to beat the Georgetown Hoyas in the 1985 NCAA Championship. To do so, 'Nova had to shoot the proverbial lights out. And they did. They shot 79% for the game, and 90% in the second half. That, my Friends, is Perfection. In order to beat the Best, Villanova had to be the Best to beat the Best. The 1980 US Olympic Hockey Team did the same.

Yes, I was pulling for the New England Patriots. I wanted to see a 19-0 season. Now they've been rendered semi-irrelevant (cf. 2001 Mariners (alas!)). At the very least there is some comedy to come of it. Still, I tire of the '72 Dolphins. Will someone please tell Mercury Morris that no one gives a damn what he thinks. Oh wait, Big Daddy Drew already has. Maybe he could send a note to Curt Schilling, too.

3 comments [add yours!]:

Ezra said...

I toyed with the idea of linking to Curt Schilling's blog. Then I had what alcoholics call a moment of clarity: The guy's a Blowhard!"

Fuck you, Schilling. Please stop talking.

Anonymous said...

18 and Choke has the same happy ring to it as 19 and 0...

spanky said...

(Alternate, highly worthy Schilling link.)

"As when Villanova Wildcats came out of nowhere to beat the Georgetown Hoyas..."

* spanky raises an eyebrow

So is THAT what this is all about, then?